Stuck in the Moment….
I wish we had another time
I wish we had another place
But everything we have is stuck in the moment
And there’s nothing my heart can do
To fight with time and space cause
I’m still stuck in the moment with you
See like
Just because this cold, cold world saying we can’t be
Baby we both have the right to disagree
And I ain’t with it
And I don’t wanna be so old and gray
Reminiscing ‘bout these better days
But convention’s telling us to let go
So we’ll never know
I wish we had another time
I wish we had another place
Cause everything we did
And everything we have is stuck in the moment
Yeah
Read those lyrics. I bet most of the like 5 people who read my blog won’t believe me if I say that’s an excerpt of a Justin Bieber song. It is. Sorry.
This song, besides being a really beautiful song, carries a special message for me. This stanza:
Just because this cold, cold world saying we can’t be
Baby we both have the right to disagree
And I ain’t with it
And I don’t wanna be so old and gray
Reminiscing ‘bout these better days
But convention’s telling us to let go
So we’ll never know
This stanza is the reason I came out. These are the exact sentiments I felt when I decided that I was ready for the world (or much of it, at least) to know who I was.
I am a man. I was born with all the parts a man has. I have the mind of a man. But at the same time, I am attracted to the same. I do not choose who I am attracted to, only who I spend my time with. I could choose to spend the rest of my life with a woman and be only content with my life. I would still smile and laugh. But I would only be a shell of myself. “I don’t wanna be so old and gray/ reminiscing ‘bout those better days”
I decided a few years ago that living as a shell of myself was to live as another person. I had to accept for myself that to be Trevor was to be the homosexual black progressive loud loving sensitive bossy imperfect person that really makes me the person I am.
Sometimes, when I see instances of homophobia and hate in the world, I count myself grateful for the loving friends and family I have. In Uganda, they are pushing legislation through to give the death penalty to men who are gay. In Malawi, though homosexuality is illegal, the President pardoned a couple who were caught- then threatened them with being rearrested if they continued their relationship. These are the people for whom: “I wish we had another time/ I wish we had another place.”
As much as we can complain about the United States of America, where I can sort-of get married and mostly live a normal life, I could never imagine living under the threat of death for being something I never chose to be. My ancestors could imagine that. They lived everyday praying that they could live another only because of the color of their skin, or the way they talked, or the texture of their hair. I live a sheltered life wherein just being myself is one of the safest things I can do. It’s because of my privileged existence and the strong line of blood I carry back from the fields of Virginia and South Carolina that I can accept myself and that I can accept that,”There’s nothing my heart can do/ to fight with time and space.”
Let no one else on this earth experience the feeling of being Stuck in the Moment.
